X - 1

Let me explain an equation called x - 1. I do NOT officially endorse employing this dating strategy. However, it oddly works. I do not know who first taught me about x - 1 (I think it came from somebody nicknamed dirty dave). The theory behind x - 1 is that you do 1 less thing than the girl (in a guy's case) expects. The rationale behind x - 1 is two-fold: 1. You want the girl thinking about you, even if those thoughts are not totally positive. This is much like the saying in the media world, "bad press is good press." 2. You can *almost* do no wrong in the first couple of weeks of dating somebody. For rationale #1, you want the girl thinking about you. Now if you do something that qualifies you as a total jerk like asking her to pay for dinner or telling her that her perfume smells bad, then this does not apply. But if you do something for which the girl will give you the benefit of the doubt, then it is fine. The reason why it fine is because the guy can almost do no wrong in the first couple of week. This is because we are all a bit jaded when we start to date somebody. If we like somebody, then we will have patience for them for the first little bit. Let me illustrate with a story... I starting dating this girl. We went on a couple of dates and things were going well. After said dates I thought that it would be a good time to kiss her. However when the timing was right, I started to go into kiss her but I knew that she was not going to kiss me back. So I retreated before I got a total rejection (or shall I say "Heismaned". Just look at the Heisman pose and you will not what I mean). Now this rejection meant one of 3 things... 1.She was not interested. 2. She wanted to kiss me but she was nervous. 3. She was interested but she wanted to wait and kiss me until a later time. I concluded that it was reason #2. I knew that she wanted to kiss me but she was just nervous (This will be evident as the story continues). A short time after this debacle, I invited her to go to a musical performance. Going to the musical performance meant getting tickets, dressing up, and being prepared to spend a whole evening together. Since she lived in the Salt Lake area I had to leave in plenty of time from Provo to pick her up and arrive at the theater. In other words, this wasn't a plan that should be changed at the last minute. The problem with going out with this girl now was I was still dismayed by what happened during the earlier debacle. So I concluded 15 minutes before I was supposed to pick her up that I would cancel our date. So I called her and I told her that I was sick. (I know, this was not a good move on my part). She texted me the next day wondering how I was feeling, making things even worse. She didn't know that I really copped out on the date. So a few short days after the cancelled date, she came over to my place. That night we watched sportscenter, hung out with my friends while they worked on a car for a while, and then watched the same episode of sportscenter again. I thought that doing all of these uninteractive things would give her the hint that I wasn't really planning anything big and that she should go home. Well, while we were watching the second episode of sportscenter, she seemed particularly cozy and appeared that she wanted to make up for the debacle that happened earlier and kiss me. However I was disillusioned and not interested anymore (I know, a bit shallow of me). This story proved to me that x - 1 works in the early stages of dating. Again, I do NOT recommend this because this dating scheme does not lend itself to building a relationship of trust and mutual commitment.

The "It" Factor

People like to make dating complicated and stressful. Dating is not very complicated and it does not need to be stressful.

One of the most important factors in deciding whether or not to date somebody is finding out if "it" is there. Sometimes people describes their motivation for dating somebody as simply, "it's there." I do not want to discount the importance of common values, morals, goals and interests. For a lasting relationship to thrive, those commonalities ensure that a relationship maintains strong. However, the start of any solid relationship begins with this quality called "it" that gives the relationship a solid footing.

Knowing if "it" is there is not something that can be sought after through testing or questioning. A person knows whether or not they like somebody. Figuring out if you "it" is there with somebody does not really take a lot of figuring out. It either is, or it isn't. If somebody asks, "Do you like her?" The answer is either yes or no. People like to make it complicated. But really, saying whether or not you like somebody is easy to tell. Answering the question of whether or not you like a person always has a yes or no answer.

What is "it"? Well there are a lot of ways to describe "it". But I think that a person knows when "it" is there when they spend an inordinate amount of time with somebody else. When you spend time with a person who has "it", time just flies by. Your amount of sleep dwindles because you consistently stay up late with this person talking about everything from your family to what kind of pizza you like. It seems like you can spend hours and hours together without having an awkward moment. When "it" is there, you move your schedule around so that you can be with your crush. You don't make excuses like, "I can't hang out because I have to watch Grey's Anatomy" Or maybe "I can't hang out because I have to watch the basketball game." When "it" is there, you don't come up with excuses when your crush wants to spend time with you.

Another way to know if "it" is there is if you get excited when your crush texts or calls you. There is a distinct difference in your countenance when that special person contacts you. You may not notice this change in mood, but others around you will. When your phone makes the text receive tone, those around you don't even have to ask who texted you because you get that way every time that person texts you.

Certainly there are many ways to know if "it" is there. However, I think that the situations described above illustrate how most of us start our relationships.

Dating

I have decided to record my thoughts about dating. I have many of them because I dated for a long time before I got married. Sure, there are plenty of people that dated longer than I did before they got married and lots of people never married. However, I think that I dated long enough to know what works and what doesn't work in dating. The principles I will explain are not based on any empirical research. They are based on my experiences and the experiences of others. I invite dissenting opinions.

Age

Sometimes I don't think that I have really grown up. My favorite food is pepperoni pizza. I play tetris. I eat vegetables because I have to. I don't like to go to bed early. I get excited about my birthday. I don't like to brush my teeth. Maybe I'll see if some of these things change in the next 30 years...

Shape

Because of sickness, an ankle injury, and laziness, I have not been able to consistently work out since summer. I have been wanting to get back in shape for some time now but I just haven't been able to. So yesterday I mustered the energy to go to the gym. As I started on the treadmill, I realized that getting in shape will be a difficult task. I don't think that running for 15 minutes ever felt so miserable.

Rodman

Dennis Rodman was enshrined in the basketball hall of fame today. Kudos to my favorite rebounder in NBA history.

Early Mornings

I have woken up at 5:30 am twice this week, unable to go back to sleep. Am I getting old?